And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
