turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
