there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
