She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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