There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize