Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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