Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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