I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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