Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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