Your dad touched me again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
