he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we're so committed to being not committed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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