"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
