i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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