I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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