No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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