so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
