You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
