what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
