I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
