I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
