I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize