My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
