Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
