With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
