Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
