Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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