note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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