Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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