she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
