why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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