I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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