Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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