There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
