dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
