I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the liver wants what the liver wants
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
