woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
