he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
