You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
