Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
