I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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