When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
