I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
