Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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