So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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