Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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