you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
