Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
