Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
