I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
