i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
