I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
