two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
