you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
