Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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