Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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