if i can run in heels then i can drive
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize