She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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