Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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