That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
