You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
be right there i have to get my cape
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
