She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
