i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
