She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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