Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
