good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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