Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
