I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
