u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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