you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
